Monday, May 30, 2011

Killed with Kindness?

It does not lessen the feeling of loss and it does not bring our baby back to us, but it is some comfort that it looks like the EE country where Jacob/Henry was institutionalized was trying to do the right thing--- but by doing that probably cost our precious little one his life.

We contacted an oprhan outreach NGO in this country to see if they could investigate Jacob/Henry's death.

Here is their report:

As I asked the State Agency for Child  Protection to inform me about the reasons for the death of Jacob/Henry they performed a check and replied to me two days ago. Currently the Agency implements a big project for deinstitutionalisation of the all children with disabilities from the instititutions. The needs assessment of all children was implemented in October 2010 and for certain children special measures were taken as they were at risk to die. 

So the assessment estimated that Jacob/Henry is at risk and special menu and supervision was prescribed for him. There were obviously problems with the feeding of this child as he was hospitlised at Christmas 2010 for pneumonia which often happens with the bedridden children because they are not fed properly and food enters the lungs and stays there as they do not move.

But in April 2011,Jacob/Henry was hospitalized because some stomach problems were diagnosed and the medical doctors decided to operate him. After the operation they started feeding him with a tube and not through the mouth. According to the documents air entered the stomach and this worsened the condition of the child and he died on 5 May 2011 at midnight. The official reason for the death is brain and lungs swelling as well as pneumonia.  

According to the Agency a course for feeding and intensive interaction took place in the institution in April 2011 and Jacob/Henry was included in the list of the children who would be fed in a special way but the real work with him did not start as he was hospitalized.

 It sounds very much like he could have been suffering from Re-feeding Syndrome.

Mary has a medical background and will be posting more specifics soon on her site. 

So sad----so very sad again today.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

New Derrik Video & Pics

A very brief update. Our updated paperwork has made it to EE. We are all still shell-shocked about the loss of Jacob/Henry, but I am in a better space about deciding to bring Derrick home as his forever brother--

Here is the first video we have seen of the little dude--

And how bout some Pics???--- SURE!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Jacob/Henry Will Have a New Brother

Intellectually this should have such an easy decision. Another child desperately needs a family. Our paperwork was done, the fees paid, the room ready....this SHOULD have so easy to decide to bring home another child with Screech---- yet it was one of the hardest---maybe THE hardest-- decision I have ever made.

I still have such an empty space in my heart for Jacob/Henry. When I think of him I still cry. I miss him so much. How could I let another child sleep in his bed, share the love he never knew... Emotionally I'm still not sure I made the right decision. While driving to Columbus today to get the last paper apostilled, I was not sure I was going to be able to hand it to the FedEx guy.

Thanks for all of your prayers, for the great perspective. I know Derrik is not a "replacement" child. Jacob/Henry can never be replaced in my heart. Jacob/Henry, by his death has given this new little angel a chance at life-- the ultimate gift of love.

So my Jacob/Henry, please know that every time I hold your new brother, I will remember you. When I cuddle with him I will know that you are comforted in the arms of Jesus. I look forward to the day when I can introduce you to your little brother---A child that has life through your passing.  I love you-- YOUR PAPA

Hey Little man, here is your brother----

Welcome to our family Derrik! I can't wait to bring you and Screech home!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

How do you move forward?

I'm sorry for a second post in the day---- I need to think out-loud

I am so sad for Henry--- I find myself breaking down several times an hour

I am so ashamed to be even thinking about adopting another child with Matt--- Jacob/ Henry is so in my heart and I feel like I am betraying him by even trying to think this through. But another part of me says that those thoughts are terribly selfish for me and my lost angel would want another of HIS kids given a chance at life.

It is too early in the grieving process to be doing this---- I know it is--- I also know that I can't let Little Matt/Screech wait for a decision. Our papers are about ready to go--- We need to decide this week. I will NOT risk losing another of my kids.

please pray that we make the right choice as we are blinded by this fog that is the horrible grief of the loss of little Jacob/Henry.

Pray for us!

Thank you for the outpouring of support

It has provided much comfort as we attempt to make sense of this senseless death--

I was shocked with how many others have been through the same. I especially appreciate your prayers and you have mine in return.--

Special thanks to Jan and Christie for this reply-- I go back and re-read it at least every hour for the strength it gives---

Jan Gibson Bullington (said) Christie,My heart bleeds for the Stolz's but what an honor it was to meet their son. Little Jacob accomplished so much in his life. He found his family and made them servants to spread the word that adoption is desperately needed. He introduced me to Reece's Rainbows and made me a better person of spreading the word of adoption of ALL children. Most of all he brought back great memories of kiddos that have already have gone to heaven before him. I will not say rest in peace to Jacob. I know a lot of little friends that have joined him in heaven and all I can say is "play joyfully" because heaven does not have labels, testing, and conditions of where you must live. Run, skip, jump, and shout as loud as you want Jacob because you are free and loved by so many in heaven and down here on earth.
Jacob, what an amazing little man you are and thank you for making me remember all the wonderful qualities of your new playmates.
We will all see you later when God determines when that will be.

It is strange to so badly miss this little man that I have never met -- but I do. I love you little Jacob/Henry.

Your forever papa

Friday, May 13, 2011

The Worst of Days

What an incredible spring morning--the magnificent sunrise over our shimmering pond was exquisite. The chirping birds were happily going about the business of preparing for the appearance of their young.  If there was ever a perfect morning, this was it. 

---Until we got the word… The word that our angel has died. Little Jacob/Henry died in his orphanage in Eastern Europe-alone, a month away from us getting to him.

As I write this, my hands are trembling and tears are streaming down my face and onto the keyboard. I have never felt like this before. I am so terribly sad that my little angel never got a chance to see his mama and papa. He never knew the love of a family. I was not there for him as he struggled to hang on until I could unite him with his forever family. My  poor little angel will never see a beautiful sunrise over the pond. He will never know the joy of a spring morning playing with his brothers and sisters or the incredible happiness that can come from the morning song of a robin.

I am also terribly angry. Not at anyone, but at the process. There is no reason he had to die.  Jacob/Henry should have been home with us... An extra day to get this paper and that one, and extra month or so for the home study, all of this added up to cost my  little boy his life.

Henry/Jacob joined our family the day we saw his picture and read his story.  In my heart , he was our little boy from then on. We did not know much about him. He had Down syndrome. He was extremely tiny for his age and severely delayed physically.  He appeared to be quite malnourished.  But things were really looking good for him. He had prayer warriors on his side. A church youth group had spied him and began praying for him and raising money to help with his adoption.  The ball got rolling right away. We all knew that time mattered. We just did not know how “life and death” his situation was.

Now we know. 

There will be other spring days for me, but none can be perfect. There is a place in my heart that will not be filled until I finally get to meet Jacob/Henry with God above in heaven. I love you little man. I am so sorry I failed you. I will never forget.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Happier Indeed!

Special Olympics Spring Games today---- Joey, Matt and Jake all did great. It was Jakey's first ever event---- he LOVED it...

Thanks to Gregg and all the folks who made it work today!


Friday, May 6, 2011

Staying positive--or trying

Today was a day when I could have been out hunting sales leads. I could have been doing project work building my business. I could have spent time with the kids playing outside enjoying them and a wonderful day.


Over 7 hours today chasing down paperwork from an adoption in 2009 (bank statements, credit card statements are all archived --need 30 days to get them out of storage--plus $50 per record). We kept pretty good records, but have some BIG missing links--- The home-study receipt is missing---- we "mysteriously" never got a "paid in full" documention from our in-county facilitator (and we were so anxious to get the heck out of there we did not push it)--- So I spent the day taping receipts to sheets of paper for all of our in country expenses to make up the difference.--- Shame on me for sloppy book keeping---BUT---

Does the IRS know that international adoption is very expensive? Our "real money spent" is close to double the tax credit--- yet I lose a day where I could have been a meaningful contributer to our economy ---rather I toiled to feed some mindless bureaucratic machine.

I respect that they are trying to keep from getting scammed--- but the paperwork shows that it was a legit adoption. 5 minutes on the internet shows what a similar adoption costs.

If you are a regular reader you know that I am nearly always shamelessly positive--- We are blessed with the gift of life--- how can you not be positive? Spend a few days on your taxes and see how your outlook changes..

a happier me tomorrow--promise

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Your Tax Dollars at Work

We could not take all of our adoption credit for Jakie in 2009, so we had some carry forward in 2010---- Welcome to the Big Brother State--

Since our credit had already been approved last year, we assumed that all the harassment that folks who adopted in 2010 would pass us by---NOPE--- some "we have to earn our keep somehow" peon has flagged us for review--- I thought they might want documentation so I included it in our 2010 return (even though it is not required) so I provided it---- YET they want it again-- exactly the same documents I already submitted to some other mindless drone I must now take the time and expense to resubmit--

these worthless BUMS and the idiots that hire them and set policy need to all be fired-- The waste in this government is SHOCKING

I have never been an abolish the IRS guy--- but I'm becoming more of one every day-- this is silly

I feel better---sort of